When someone is struggling with a psychological issue or mental health condition, what you say can either offer support or deepen their distress. While well-meaning friends, family, or colleagues may want to offer advice or comfort, words have power, and saying the wrong thing can unintentionally worsen someone’s emotional state. Mental health problems can be complex, and understanding how to approach someone in distress requires empathy, patience, and thoughtfulness. Here are eight things you should never say to a person suffering from a mental health problem, along with insights into why these phrases can be harmful and what alternatives you can offer.
1. “It’s all in your head.”
While mental illnesses often originate from neurochemical imbalances in the brain, reducing someone’s distress to the idea that it’s “just” a figment of their imagination invalidates their experience. This phrase implies that they could simply think or wish their way out of their situation, which is rarely possible. People struggling with depression, anxiety, or other psychological issues often experience very real physical and emotional symptoms, and hearing that their suffering is not “real” can make them feel misunderstood and alienated.
What to say instead:
“I can’t fully understand what you’re going through, but I want to help however I can.”
This acknowledges the validity of their emotions while positioning yourself as a supportive figure without judgment.
2. “Just snap out of it.”
Mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder aren’t just bad moods or temporary emotions that someone can shake off. They are legitimate health conditions that often require therapy, medication, and long-term treatment. Suggesting that someone can simply “snap out of it” dismisses the seriousness of their condition and implies they are choosing to feel this way, furthering their sense of isolation.
What to say instead:
“I know you’re trying your best. How can I support you through this?”
Rather than suggesting they change their emotions at will, offer your presence and willingness to help, giving them a safe space to express their needs.
3. “Other people have it worse than you.”
While this statement might be intended to offer perspective, it comes across as dismissive and minimizes their struggle. Mental health problems are deeply personal, and comparing one person’s difficulties to another’s doesn’t make their suffering any less real. Comparing pain often leads to shame and guilt, making the person feel as though their feelings are invalid or that they should simply “get over it.”
What to say instead:
“Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to not be okay. I’m here for you.”
This acknowledges the legitimacy of their emotions without downplaying their significance by comparison to others.
4. “You’re just being dramatic.”
Labeling someone as dramatic or overreacting to their mental health struggles can cause immense harm. Mental illness isn’t a choice, nor is it a performance for attention. People dealing with psychological issues are often already feeling vulnerable, and accusations of being dramatic can push them into silence or make them feel shame for seeking help.
What to say instead:
“I see that you’re going through a hard time. I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”
This response refrains from judgment and instead offers a compassionate ear, allowing the person to open up if they feel comfortable.
5. “You don’t look depressed.”
Mental health issues don’t have a “look.” Someone may appear fine on the outside but be struggling internally. Just because someone isn’t visibly upset or crying doesn’t mean they aren’t dealing with severe emotional pain. Assuming someone’s mental health based on their outward appearance perpetuates stereotypes and can make them feel like they need to prove their suffering to be taken seriously.
What to say instead:
“Looks can be deceiving. I’m sorry you’re struggling—how can I help?”
This statement recognizes that mental illness isn’t always apparent and affirms their feelings, no matter what their outward demeanor may show.
6. “Have you tried meditating, eating better, or exercising?”
While these lifestyle changes can sometimes help improve mental well-being, mental illness is far more complex than a lack of exercise or poor diet. These suggestions can come across as simplistic solutions to deeper issues, and they may imply that the person’s condition is a result of their lifestyle choices or a lack of effort to improve. This can lead to feelings of guilt, as though they are to blame for their condition.
What to say instead:
“I know there are no easy fixes, but I’m here for you every step of the way.”
Acknowledging the complexity of their situation and offering your ongoing support is a much more helpful approach.
7. “Just think positive!”
Telling someone to simply think positively can minimize the gravity of their emotions. While positive thinking can be helpful for some, it’s not a cure for mental illness, and many people struggling with conditions like depression or anxiety can find it nearly impossible to focus on positive thoughts. This phrase may make them feel inadequate for not being able to “fix” themselves with a simple change in mindset.
What to say instead:
“It’s okay if things feel overwhelming right now. I’m here, and we’ll get through this together.”
This statement offers reassurance without pushing unrealistic expectations or oversimplified solutions.
8. “You’re weak for feeling this way.”
There is a harmful and persistent stigma surrounding mental health that labels people with these struggles as weak. This statement not only deepens that stigma but can push the person further into isolation and hopelessness. Mental illness doesn’t reflect a person’s strength or weakness; it’s a medical condition that can affect anyone, regardless of their toughness or resilience.
What to say instead:
“You’re incredibly strong for facing this, and I admire your courage.”
Offering validation of their strength in the face of adversity can counteract feelings of shame or inadequacy.
Understanding Empathy and Offering Real Support
When talking to someone with a mental health condition, the most important thing you can offer is your empathy and support. It’s crucial to avoid statements that dismiss or minimize their experience. Instead, focus on being an active listener, validating their emotions, and letting them know they aren’t alone. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or “quick fixes,” as these often fail to address the complexity of mental health struggles.
It can be helpful to familiarize yourself with common symptoms of mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder, to better understand what your friend or loved one may be going through. However, remember that every person’s experience is unique, and what might help one person may not help another. Always approach conversations about mental health with sensitivity, kindness, and a willingness to learn.
Practical Tips for Supporting Someone with a Mental Health Condition:
- Listen without judgment: Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply listen and let them talk. Avoid interrupting or offering solutions unless asked.
- Encourage professional help: If appropriate, gently suggest seeing a therapist or counselor. Mental health professionals are trained to help in ways that friends and family cannot.
- Respect boundaries: Be mindful that some people may not be ready to talk about their struggles. Respect their need for privacy and don’t push them to open up if they aren’t comfortable.
- Offer practical help: If they’re feeling overwhelmed, offer practical assistance, like helping with chores or running errands, which can ease some of their daily stressors.
In Conclusion
Words matter, especially when talking to someone experiencing a mental health issue. Well-intentioned phrases can sometimes cause more harm than good, so it’s essential to be mindful of what you say. Providing comfort, understanding, and validation can make a world of difference. Instead of trying to solve their problems or minimize their feelings, let them know they are not alone, and that it’s okay to seek help. Mental health should never be treated lightly, and with the right approach, you can be a positive source of support in someone’s journey toward healing.